Dear Loyal Readers, This Is Why You Love Me.

I am the queen of finding good clothes for about a fraction of what everyone else paid. I've lived in four major cities and I've always been broke. Thus, I know where to shop. Let's start with Minneapolis because while it's not the greatest place I've inhabited, its shopping venue takes the cake.

Opitz is the name of the game. It's in Minneapolis (Neighborhood called 'Saint Louis Park' right next to Lake Calhoun). Opitz consists of 2 buildings. Building 1 is large, concrete & and has tacky murals painted on the outside. Building 1 sort of like a TJ Maxx except everything is ridonkulously high-end. It's nice and fun but not *that* cheap.

Building 2 (also called 'The Annex') is next door. It's a tragic little shack which could easily be mistaken for a crack house. The inside is no prettier; it features a whopping 500 square feet of narrow isles, broken garment racks, makeshift dressing rooms and an angry elderly woman who barrel through the store at least twice daily, growling at shoppers in German (and no, she's not an employee-- just a loyal shopper). The Annex's most persuasive deterrent, however, are the giant, electric yellow banners decorating the exterior. These banners are especially fun during summer sidewalk sales when rush hour passerbys drive past the Annex and read 'EVERYTHING TEN DOLLARS!!,' as if to point a big arrow at me, proclaiming 'THIS GIRL IS UNEMPLOYED, COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BROKE, AND HAS SIX FIGURES IN LAW SCHOOL DEBT.'

So, have I convinced you yet? If not, read on, oh noble bargain finder. 'Cause if great clothes on sale were easy to find, everybody would be doing it. Ready? Ok.

IT'S WORTH IT. When discussing the sale garments I've found at the Annex, my palms sweat, pulse quickens and my pupils dilate. So I'm just gonna spit it out here. Forgive me for my grammatical crimes. Moschino, Prada Collection, Donna Karan Signature, Gianfranco Ferre, Alberta Ferretti, Diane Von Furstenburg, Max Azria Collection, Chloe, Yves Saint Laurent, Oscar De La Renta, Louboutin, Miu Miu, Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Chanel, Baleniaga, Monique L'Huillier, Strenesse Gabriele Strehle, Agnona Italy, Pier Antonio Gaspari, Armani Collezioni, Versace. You'll find rare upscale eclectic boutique designers. You'll recognize dresses from a 2006 Vogue. You'll be light-headed with glee. Yes, they are damaged and usually they're only 90% off. HOWEVER, once/month they have the $10 sale, where everything in the store is, you guessed it-- $10. Women stand in line for about an hour beforehand and claw each other down to get inside.

So, moral of the story:

1. Call ahead and find out when the $10 sale is (will be on a Wednesday, store opens at noon, usually).
2. Or better yet, sign up for their mailing list (click here do that).
3. Then call ahead and confirm the date of the $10 sale (click here for their website and contact info.
4. Go during the summer when the sidewalks are full of extra merchandise included in the $10 sale. (not that you want to go to Minnie during the winter, anyway).
5. Bring your girlfriends and make sure you all grow out and sharpen your fingernails before attending.
6. Immediately upon entering, go to the back corner of the tiny shack and grab a mesh black bag.
7. Grab everything and anything that looks interesting to you, remove the hanger so that each ensuing garment does not take up too much room in the aforementioned black mesh bag.
8. When you are absolutely sure that you've grabbed everything which looks interesting to you, go to a corner of the store and sift through it carefully. Re-hang the rejects (you do not want to piss off the employees of this store; they are your friends). And proceed to the register to purchase.

Go, my fashion children, you shan't be disappointed.

RESCUE THE BUSTIER!

about 5 years ago, i was at the filene's basement on north michigan avenue with my college best friend, and i found myself stuck. no, i was not trying to decide between purchases, i was actually and physically trapped inside a gianfranco ferre couture gown made of a stiff polyester seafoam weave complete with wire straps which defied gravity in a way that would make tara reid jealous.

what had begun with a fun little "let's just see how it looks on, i have a model body, right-- it might be cool" shopping experiment then found me, feet-cemented-to-the floor-arms-locked-as-though-i-were-about-to-be-secured-to-a-spinal-injury-
backboard as my best friend anchored herself against the wall and yanked that seagreen polyester from my half naked torso until her body literally torpedoed backwards and she landed, shirtless on the dressing room floor, bewildered and completely breathless.


there are a thousand reasons i miss tricia, but our shopping extravaganzas are a big one. you see, tricia and i have the same shopping style. if you like to shop then you surely know that not every girl has a shopping style, technique, if you will. and shopping with a girlfriend isn't just an easy, run-of-the-mill activity. girls have to make sure they mesh, have similar browsing patterns, before they make a commitment like shopping together. sort of like marriage compatibility... except... not.

anyway, now that tricia is all grown up and responsible and living in denver with a fucking fantastic job and apartment and life, i have no one with whom to share my seafoam polyester gown shopping trips. but it's not just polyester seafoam i'm talking about. it's my fashion superiority in general. for example, did you know that there are basically two times of year in which to find the best sales on designer and boutique pieces? i bet you didn't. well there are. late july, and early january.

i have no official source to support this theory. however, i do submit the following:

1. rich caramel-colored buttery calfskin pants from michael kors collection (that's COLLECTION, not 'kors by' or his other inferior lines). retail $800. i paid: $73.
2. strapless jersey corset dress by prada (say it again with my now "COLLECTION," not 'prada sport' or those other sheep lines). retail $600. i paid: $49.
3. mandalay grecian dress. yes, THE mandalay dress. retail $1025. i paid $65.

are you convinced? good. now. i'm almost getting to a point here so stick with me and you won't be sorry. occasionally, during these biannual shopping trips, i find a piece so fantastically wonderfully cute that i would pay full price for it. however, this proverbial piece is not full price and in fact it's not even "on sale." it's... ready? on clearance.

today, ladies, i have found that piece. it's 80% off and made by a truly classy designer. not only that, but this designer has a cult following. seriously. nanette's followers rarely let anything she makes go on sale, let alone clearance. it's a fantastic little strapless bustier top from Nanette Lepore. all of these factors make me look at this top, wistfully, and think... SOMEONE needs to buy it. i feel like it's a little baby bird, alone and cold in the wind and someone needs to come and snatch it up. YOU are that person, reader. YOU need to grab the bustier. GET THE BUSTIER, reader, RESCUE THE BUSTIER!

because of the javascript, i cannot insert the link directly here. so do this: go here: http://www.urbanchiconline.com/ then go to the bottom of the page and click on the little brown tab which says "what's on sale." after you click on the sale tab, the first page which comes up has a nanette lepore bustier corset top in the bottom lefthand corner.

you owe me your first born.

ps ok you don't have to give me your offspring but if you buy it, you do need to come back and tell me after you receive it. at least then i'll sleep at night knowing that someone rescued the baby bird.