Wednesday, March 13, 2013

In pursuit of footie.

I've got to face reality. It's staring me in the face. Actually, it's sleeping soundly in its bedroom but it will awaken in the next hour and torture me all night long. And if it doesn't, then the other it will. Because there are two. Yes, two. In the meantime, I am feeling motivated to share what I believe is reasonable feedback for the rest of the clothing-conscious, child-bearing world.

Look I appreciate that some of you have the time to secure multiple garments of clothing to one infant, but I do not. Other things I don't have time for:

1. Socks: Seriously? They don't stay on. Yes, I know they're cute. They don't stay on. And I've got four to keep track of.

2. Garments intended to pull over a head. I read on one of's weekly "your baby is now XX weeks old" emails that one of the things my baby (um, babies, thank you) should be doing by 8 weeks ago is holding his (their, people, their) arm(s) over his (their) head/s when I dress him (them). You know what I mean? If you were an infant version of a white red-headed sumo wrestler with a genetic clone and you were trying to help me out when I was dressing you, you'd hold up your arms over your head so I could slip arm holes easily onto each of your shoulders. Unless you were one of my sons in which case you would scream bloody murder when I brought a garment, any freaking garment, near you. Anyway, slipping a garment over my child's head? Are you kidding? How about a garment that secures in front by zipper or, better yet, snaps. Who the hell wants to sleep on his belly with a wretched stiff zipper poking against his bare flesh?

3. Shoes. My children don't walk. They're 8 months old. And even if Giuseppe Zanotti made children's shoes (he doesn't), mine would grow out of them too quickly to make it worth it.

4. Bottoms without crotch snaps. Not sure about the singleton-rearing population but in my world, we've started eating solids. In fact, "solid" is now a common word in my house and I'm not just talking about food. Never in my fashion past did I contemplate a reality in which I would prepare a particular foodstuff and simultaneously shudder at what it was going to smell like coming out. It's a whole new world. And this world does not tolerate bottoms without crotch snaps. Do you know how many bowments I had to smell on Tuesday of last week? 10. Yes, 10. That's 5 bowments per red-headed sumo wrestler.

5. Layers. See, screaming bloody murder when presented with a singular garment, supra.

So anyway, I am on a quest and that quest is for a wearable, durable, comfortable footie that comes in 12+ month sizing, does not have some tragic graphic on the front and preferably comes in multiple shade of some masculine color so that my twins' clothing might compliment, but not match.

I've done the research and I'll begin posting regularly with my findings.

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