Dear Barneys, Neiman, Saks: Get Over Yourselves

presentation is everything. presentation applies to every aspect of consumerism, from those damn mitsubishi commercials to the fact that christy turlington looks hot in drug store foundation to, yes, of course, upscale designer clothing and shoes. i'm not talking about nine west, here, girls. i'm talking wearing a month's rent on your feet.


now, what does that scary alien-like creature say to you? does it say "sexy, sassy, flattering, and kate moss?"

no. it doesn't. to me that scary alien-like creature says "i will eat your children while you are sleeping." am i right? yes of course.

kate moss' introduction of her line for topshop must have been one of the most anticipated fashion events of all time. kate moss, perhaps the most classic of supermodel, has exemplified everything we want our supermodels to be-- even as she gets old:
1. immature, 2. drug induced, and 3. still hot at 45. cause, secretly and deep down, we want models to remain models and not become normal people like us. models are freaks of nature. we don't want to be reminded that they're human.

anyway, kate moss is a big deal and her line was a big deal. but here we are looking at kate moss draped across a scary alien-like figure which is telling us "i will eat your children while you are sleeping."

i expect better out of barneys new york, he and i are old friends (yes, i have assigned him a gender and a singular identity). from the second i first set foot in the barneys at the corner of oak street and rush off of north michigan avenue, i wanted to love him. to me, everything about barneys seemed consistent with what is fashionable. and that blue thing up there, my friend, is not fashionable. it's just cheap. not to mention scary.

so what the hell is up with upscale dept stores skimping on the presentation? do we love them that much that they can show us one god damned picture of a thirteen hundred dollar bag:

i mean, are you serious? that's ridonkulous. i'm all for luxury, and especially classic, stylish, timeless, durable and well made luxury-- but has neiman gotten so special that they can sell a bag without even showing you the rear side of it?

alright, my right eye has been twitching for nine and a half days now and i think i should probably handle this continuous and crippling fatigue by actually getting something done so that i might eventually sleep. novel concept. ciao.